Disappointments. Stagnation. Mediocrity. These three words pretty much characterize my life at the moment. My pride is having a hard time accepting this but it has no other choice. It worries me that I, who dreamt big dreams and had grand plans, would let my life reach this point without making a bold move to change the course of things even when I had the chance to. I fear that I have changed so much, sadly, not for the better. Day after day, I disappoint myself with mediocre ideas, plans and outputs. At night when I wait for sleep to take over my anxieties, I wonder what happened to the person I thought I was and wanted to be.
As I slowly come to terms with my present self, I cannot help but feel anxious of the seemingly bleak future ahead. I know it’s time to step out of this debilitating state and rise up to new challenges. Yet, I feel the familar string pulling me back inside that already comfortable hole. It’s a viscious cycle that’s been eating up the remaining hope in me. Everyday is a struggle to break free and it’s tiring and frustrating. I’m tired of disappointing myself over and over again. I’m tired of being a mediocre. I’m tired of being the dispassionate person I’ve become. I am desperate for change. But where do I start?